i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
