good thing vaginas are great cup holders
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize