Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
