he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
