I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize