I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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