I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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