hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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