i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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