i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
