Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
