My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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