he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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