Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
