just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
