I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
