a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
