i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
