i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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