So drunk its hurt
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
