I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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