went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
