How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
