just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
