I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
