I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
