Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
