My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
