I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
