Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
