I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize