he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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