I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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