Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
