so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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