How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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