I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
