I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Randomize