he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
