I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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