I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You pole danced in your parka.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
