i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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