Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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