A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
