I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
