Im at strip club and am horny
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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