So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize