I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize