I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
