WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
