He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
