dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
