I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
