Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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