I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
