I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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