I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
