Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
