it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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