There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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