I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
