my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
