my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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