He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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