My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
