so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
