STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize