very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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