Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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