I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
