This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
