I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
