No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize