all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
