I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize